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PorkiLove4God
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Name: Eric
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Gender: Male
Interests: "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Apostle Paul (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
Expertise: Site made to give all glory to God and hoping it will stay that way. All this is nothing more than God's convictions to me and whatever thoughts that run through my head. May He only be glorified in everything I do and say.
Soli Deo Gloria
Occupation: Child of God
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AIM:  epenger
Member Since:
9/21/2002
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| Thought I'd share something very significant that God has been teaching me that I will need to do every single day of my life. This is from Tim Keller's Galatians Bible Study.
So learn to “speak the gospel” to one’s heart. For example, when the law creeps into your conscience, learn to be a cunning logician — learn to use arguments of the gospel against it. Say:
O law! You would climb up into the kingdom of my conscience, and there reign and condemn me for sin, and would take from me the joy of my heart which I have by faith in Christ, and drive me to desperation, that I might be without hope. You have overstepped your bounds. Know your place! You are a guide for my behavior, but you are not Savior and Lord of my heart. For I am baptized, and through the gospel am called to receive righteousness and eternal life… So trouble me not! For I will not allow you, so intolerable a tyrant and tormentor, to reign in my heart and conscience — for they are the seat and temple of Christ the Son of God, who is the king of righteousness and peace, and my most sweet savior and mediator. He shall keep my conscience joyful and quiet in the sound and pure doctrine of the gospel, through the knowledge of this passive and heavenly righteousness.
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| It is 7:58pm on a lovely February night. I sit here in physical fatigue, mental exhaustion but yet spiritually… full, glad, and yet… @#$%^%W%$#. No this is not a swear word so stop counting and sinning in your mind. I am lost for words and probably because I am a pastor and not an english major. It’s a mix feeling of walking across the street and for a split second you see the huge bumper of a semi truck that is a feet away from your face going 50 miles an hour and getting wrecked by it. Not knowing what hit me or the damage done, I know it has changed and literally shaped me. But yet after all this I feel a warm embrace, a comfort, and challenged. This week was Moody’s annual conference called Founder’s Week. It is a week where many great speakers come and share God’s word and their hearts with us. I don’t know what came over me but I knew I had to go. I didn’t go last year as I made it a point to not want to think about school and treat it like a spring vacation, and yes I didn’t have class this week for my Moody classes. BUT (yes there is always that lovely big BUT) unfortunately I did have to go to a class that was located at a local church by Moody. I am taking this class that is not school endorsed but is transferable. And this class made me angry, for it doesn’t follow Moody’s schedule, so while all the other regular normal Moody students had the week off, I had to go to school on Monday night. So I was bitter, acting like a little baby because I could have stayed home and cried and eaten my 5 LB gummy bears which is almost down to 2.5LB. But no, I had to go to this evening class and sleep over but if I was going to sleep over I might as well check out Founder’s Week on Tuesday and MAYBE Wednesday early evening and head home afterwards. But little did I know, this was the time God was teaching me what it means to be silent before Him. Just to backtrack a bit, I am suppose to pick a spiritual discipline to work on and I picked silence for the sake of my grade and putting something on paper. But little did I know that this is exactly what God wanted to me to learn very well. And there was no escaping it. I am learning that silence is not a place but it is a state of the heart. It is a state of listening. Now let’s get back on track. I am finally in my temporary earthly home. I had gone to 6 sessions, two each day from Tuesday to Thursday. Who would have thought I, this great Moody MDiv student, a person who has serve in ministry for 6 years and is a current youth pastor would find himself… humbled and greatly challenged. NOTHING happens for WITHOUT a reason. The sessions I attended, the times when I didn’t want to go or felt compelled all of them God spoke so plainly to me. I went to hear Erwin Lutzer , Moody Church’s Pastor and he spoke on pitfalls of ministry. What a challenge, not to think my past faithfulness allows me or justifies me to present indulgence. Wow. Or to think that just because God is blessing my ministry and all within it means I am being obedient. No that is no way to measure my obedience. He names 10 pitfalls and I am susceptible to all of them, from dangers of self confident to lack of clear focus by being busy. Then I went to hear Alistair Beggs . He is a Scottish preacher who looks nothing like how I would imagine him based on his voice. He spoke on the conditon of America and how we are not far from the spiritual state of Europe. All because we have gone away from the Gospel, trying to adapt the church to current culture rather than having the Gospel change the current culture. After all this is the Gospel we are speaking of, its foolishness to man, of course! But this is the very power of God and we should not degrade it in any way for in man there is no power. I then listened to Phil Vischer Wednesday morning, and he was hilarious. But this idea of how God can give us great dreams and bring those dreams to reality, like success in ministry, and then without warning it dies, the dream is crushed. God wants to see what is more important to us. Is my calling, my love for ministry, will this become greater than my love for God? These quotes by Phil Vischer from: He who has God plus many things has nothing more than he who has God alone - CS Lewis
If I can’t let go of my dreams and these thing then those are idols. I can easily make anything an idol if I am not careful. I must wait on God and the next five years of my life is not mine to choose, my life belongs to God. SO I heard all these GREAT sermons and I am excited, yes these sound so great, yes this makes sense, my yg should hear this, this person should hear this, wow this is great head knowledge. Then JP Moreland session happened. He is a great apologist and my mind was blown away. How to invite those to a life of purpose. This showed me how great this Christian faith is, it is the TRUTH and it has and will continue to stand against opposition and doubt. And yet this generation has abandoned the Truth for happiness which is garbage. And this is the generation we live in. Christianity is the Truth and the confidence we ought to have in it Afterwards Billy Kim , yes a short Korean old man whom I never seen (or seen since we all look alike) nor heard of before. Blew me away because he could speak English. Just kidding. I was blown away because of the hand of God was so strong in his life. But his cry for the people, those who consider themselves God’s workman, to pray. if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
- 2 Chronicles 7:14
I am challenged with my lack of prayer and how revival can only happen when the people will humble themselves and call upon God’s name. Good stuff I thought. Then I decided to stay another night and that day was today. I was excited and so excited that I tried encouraging some brothers and sisters to go. And continued to email those about how God has been speaking to me. I don’t remember how long its been since I’ve felt like I was chewing again, sitting and resting in the presence of the Lord. Today was Francis Chan, I didn’t know him but I heard and seen his face all over the place. I thought he looked like a typical Chinese monk with bald head and for some reason his mustache resembles those long thin pointy beards of ancient Chinese scholars. But whatever. But the session began with worship! Yes we sang hymns and I was in awe by the lyrics Wonderful Merciful Savior. Lyrics: Wonderful Merciful Savior
Precious redeemer and friend
Who would have thought that a lamb could
Rescue the souls of men, Oh You rescue the souls of men Counselor, comforter, keeper
Spirit we long to embrace
You offer hope when our hearts have
Hopelessly lost the way, Oh we hopelessly lost the way You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace our
Hearts always hunger for, Oh our hearts always hunger for Almighty infinite father
Faithfully loving Your own
Herein our weakness You find us
Falling before Your throne, Oh we’re falling before Your throne
I don’t know if it’s because God’s voice had been speaking and I was finally willing to listen. I felt this hymn was very appropriate and spoke of my heart’s desire. It was just an incredible worship time, to simply sing to God and really mean it, really feel like He is there listening. All this while my heart is fully backing the weight of these lyrics. Francis Chan came out and he came out with conviction! He spoke of his time in bible school and how it was the driest times in his life. He spoke of those in bible school can listen, read and study the Word of God and simply say this was a great idea and it stays that way instead of these great ideas which should be convictions being lived out in our lives. I am truly guilty of being a hearer and not a doing, only listening and the dangers of merely listening and not doing. He then spoke of do we love the idea of God and not God Himself. I don’t know how I got to this place but when said that my past 4 years of my life flashed before me. I don’t know where it started but I know I have fallen in love with the idea of God and not God Himself. My heart is quite heavy and I was really sad. I knew this was true and I heard this statement before and yet today it was so clear. This conviction is true and I cannot say its a great idea, it is my reality. He goes on to speak of his grandmother, and the stories his grandmother brought me to the brink of tears (yes I don’t cry because I am a man…). His grandmother always talked about Jesus, was in complete love with Him, for who He is, who He was. She was a person, a rare example of a person in love with Jesus! Examples of baking a cake and she was saying how good God is and how she forgot an ingredient in the cake she was baking but God still allowed it to taste good. But the greatest example is how she and her family were watching a play and she couldn’t enjoy the play. She told Francis she doesn’t want to be found here watching a play if Jesus came back. She did not want to be found watching a boring play! She said she would rather be praying for Francis’ church, rather to be reading the Bible. She wanted to be found faithful. How ridiculous this sounds! No, not to non-Christians but even to us Christians. Am I in love with Christ? Am I really truly in love with Abba Father?? I could not defend myself, I am gulity of loving the idea of the person of God rather than God Himself… This really broke my heart. And his grandmother desperately wanted to go to heaven to be with Jesus. She prayed for it. Do I pray for it, at times, only because I am struggling or within hardships. BUT do I want to be with Jesus simply because of Him? Francis Chan then went on to say this quoting John Piper (paraphrasing): If Heaven was a place where there was no more hurt, no more tears, a great feast, where all our earthly desires and pleasures came to fullness, and our bodies are made perfect AND YET there was NO Jesus in Heaven. Would this bother you?
WOW. Immediately I said heck yeah it would bother me! But then I started to think and wonder… am I in love with Jesus, is He my prize or is heaven’s ticket? I wish I could say it with great confidence but I don’t know if I can. This is my honesty. I may love the idea of heaven more than I love God Himself. This by definitely is my idol. More than ministry more than doing things for God, God our Daddy in Heaven wants us to love Him. He wants to give us great things but when those things dilude our love for Him and distracts us, He wants to take it away for the things are not to project the love from God to the gift but to increase our love for Him. I love gifts and it has robbed God of my love, whether it is ministry, things of the world, what I want. Jesus wants us to cuttle in His lap and embrace us. And finally I went to listen to JP Moreland once again. This time blown away but more so correcting my false definition of faith. I want faith that is authentic not that garbage faith that is based on just blind. This faith stands on its own because it is truth and He is God. I need to dwell on the things of God and change my thought life on God. I need to refocus and reinstate God as the sole ruler on the throne of my heart. May He be the center and focus of everything I do. So I finally decided to go home since I was sick. I walked to the brown line train while listening to my Ipod. The worship songs was so beautiful and was speaking to my heart. I then saw the train coming so I rushed up the stairs and onto the train before it left. I was glad the conductor saw me. I then sat down and only saw one glove. I was freaking out and looked around and saw it on the chair. I then settled in with one earphone in ear. I attempted to place my other earphone in my other ear when I noticed the ear piece was missing… It must have dropped in the chaos of things. I was quite angry, what a way to end the blessed week. So I was listening to music in one ear and the other ear absorbing all the noise of the outside. I couldn’t block it out. But then for some reason I felt God saying, the world is desperate for our attention as well as God. God wants me to listen even when the world seems so loud. That I need to listen to the faint whisper of His love for me, that I need to focus and train myself to listen while the world is clanking and screaming. The world seems so much louder, my sister music so much louder, and yet the music about Jesus, God’s loving words seem so soft that I must be still and focused to hear. I have to train myself to listen otherwise the His voice will be muted and will be drowned in the noise of the world in which it craves for our attention. But I know as I sat there listening and worshiping God, His voice consumed me and He was longing for my attention long before. I guess if you were to replace that @#$%^%W%$# (yes tame your mind and tongue) I would say broken, yes that would be a good word. As I rode home this morning this verse pops into my mind. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. - Psalm 51:17 And also this quote from unknown source: Only one life will soon be past and only what’s done for Christ will last
This is simply the prayer of my heart. I thank You Lord for your patience and steadfast love for me! May you find me broken and more and more in love with You. I am learning once again, help me to learn well. But more importantly let me listen, in the stillness and in the silent state of my heart, let me listen. Keep me close ever so close. Amen. | | |
| This generation is getting less and less interpersonal. We call this generation the text-message-generation, a generation that is very impersonal and socially awkward in ways that makes this generation really superficial. You see if one doesn't understand oneself then this one person will continue to have superficial relationships because they themselves are only able to express themselves and share with others in a way that is very shallow. If we don't deal with what is in the inside and we surround ourselves with distractions as the world loves to do, then we might as well sit in front of the computer all day and IM or text message. A generation that is unable to convey ones' thoughts and express what's in the inside is very dangerous.
  
I find it sad to think that my yg and my future children will be raised in this kind of environment and dealing with these kinds of issues. I feel it robs the person of their creativity, robs them of true friendships that could help them through the tough times especially at church where our brothers and sisters the body of believers AKA our heavenly family are called to encourage and strengthen but you only see selfish people looking to come to church only to gain some satisfaction of going or just there to "hang out" and leave. The focus has been me and me and me, rather than God and others which by the way was opposite of Jesus' mentality was. To be like Christ has become a cliche and no one is striving for it.
But then what is the Holy Spirit for then? Is it not sanctifying us day by day in order for us to be a clearer reflection of Jesus Christ, our Lord, our Savior? If this is not happening then something is drastically wrong. I do not exempt myself from this because I know I have issues and still have to live in this deprived world in which I, myself, have to battle my two natures (sinful and good). And the source is our hearts, what comes out of our mouths comes from our hearts (James 3), whatever our heart is there lies our treasure (Matthew 6:21), and this warning Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded (James 4:8).
Even look at the rich ruler in Matthew 18:18-30! This man was a rich ruler who had everything and also claimed to do all the commandments, focused on the external, rather than dealing with the internal. He said he kept all the commandments but failed to do the first which was to have no idols before God which he failed. The rich ruler failed to recognize this because he was so shallow, only thinking of his actions rather than what's in his heart. Until Jesus told him to go and sell all that he had and give it to the poor and follow Jesus, that is when he walked away sad because he had a greater issue that he did not deal with. If he had been walking with God, reflecting what is in His heart and where His treasures lied then he would have seen His downfall. But instead his life was just superficial and continues to lie in things of this world and what he can get rather than embracing Jesus and seeing all the good and great He has for us and wants us to be. If only he could have understood himself better, if only he had really dealt with things in his heart, if only...
So this generation is easily going down this route because we are becoming more and more of a superficial generation. We rather read a survey on the 100 things about our friends or fill one out (which is very superficial by the way) than read the Bible or a devotional. We rather look at facebook, commenting on pictures back and forth about the same stupid thing over and over and writing on walls about things that are superficial than taking time to encourage someone to continue to walk with Christ. Or we rather text all our friends because it's convenient and rather not talk to them on the phone.
So in conclusion we need to start understanding ourselves by reflecting on who we are and asking God to bring us to where He wants us to be. A great way is to journal and yes even xanga your thoughts but more importantly journal with the Truths of God and the Hope in Him. He has a lot to say, even read my past entry. I believe xanga was something special, it was an outlet for me to express myself and to share and jot what God was speaking to me about or blessing me. I think during xanga, I grew a lot and saw the progression which was by God's grace. I just think it was a simple means to understand myself more, use my creativity in my worship to God, and to bless others. So let us be a generation that will not settle for superficial but to be men and women who strive to be like Christ in how we love and think.
Sorry this was suppose to be a entry on why we should xanga but God directed me this way. So yeah let me know your thoughts. God bless you all!
Psalm 139: 23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
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| there's a couple things that have really hit me the other day. i was in my practicum class, a class about internship and sharing experiences at moody. a classmate of mine was talking about christian counseling and well at the end his friend was dealing with all these thoughts and wasn't able to control his thoughts. he was frustrated. what is interesting about this friend is he was a pastor, memorized a whole lot of scripture, went to seminary, and well had the credientials. but this man was fragmented and broken, a man who was unable to control his thoughts, unable to live a life that is pleasing in the inward thoughts and heart. so a man who knew the truths of God wasn't able to trust in Him. the mind and the heart are the most vital to ones body but when disconnected there are problems. he was a perfectionist and when unable to control what he most longed for, in this case, change. but this man opened up to 1 Peter 1:2, and the Word said, "the sanctifying work of the Spirit". and he realizes man cannot change or sanctify themselves but it is only by the Spirit.
i can relate to this man, i feel i have made little progress over the past couple years. i always seem to be drowning in my imperfections, frustrated by my stubborn heart, and feeling so caloused in my sin. i want to change, i want to love God more, and yet i find myself doing what i hate and not doing what i want. it seems like a never ending situation, a hopeless one.
but as i walked out of my class going back to the campus of uic yesterday, i couldn't help but hear God's voice saying, "eric do you trust Me with you?" i thought i was just imagining it but i heard it so vividly "eric do you trust Me with you?" it was probably the most convicting moment i have had in a while. i don't think i trust God can change me; let alone surrender myself to Him. i think i've lost track of who changes what. then i hear "eric do you think you have come this far on your own? do you think that you grew this much because of what you did?" my heart stopped... how i have forgotten growth is in God's hands, in the sanctification through the work of the Spirit and not because of me.
i have been decieved by satan and realize i need to full surrender and submit myself before God once again. to take hold of grace, to take hold of the Gospel and allowing God to claim my heart and self once again. failure has claimed the past two + years of my life because i forgot there is victory only in Christ. so this time i will allow God to pick me up and strengthen me to do what I could not do all along, to walk.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.
Colossians 2:6-7
And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,
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| *** had started this entry a while ago, only to had saved it and put on hold... I guess I'll finish it. Ah the lack of updates leads to one huge update. This was my final year in undergrad and graduation, I knew, would come fast. I never thought this day would come, though before when I was in elementary I thought the same of high school. I found that transitions from the past weren't as huge as the one that lurks at summer's end. But before all this, I'd like to remanence a bit. Antioch Bible Church: Oh how I love this ministry but more than that I love the souls there. This is where I first came to know the Lord and through this ministry I grew and built my foundation on God. Everyone there had an impact on my walk with God, even if its just merely a smile. I loved coming week after week worshiping the Lord with my fellow brothers and sisters and getting on our knees before the Lord. I loved entering and greeted by beautiful faces whom God loves so much and waiting in anticipation on what God was going to do that day. *** Being in youth group for the year and a half I had were a blessing, getting trained and discipled by P. Rich and learning to serve through discipleship classes with my peers was a blast. Being a teacher at Antioch was a blessing, I hadn't learn so much of what it meant to be a leader than with the group of leaders there. With solid men and women of God from old to current serving, how can you not learn from these servants? I cannot put into words how blessed the youth ministry of Antioch was and is. Those leaders were the most trustworthy, most sacrificial, and followed the two greatest commandments and it showed through their lives, they really loved God and they really loved the students and each other. The students, you guys are truly a special group, I'm especially encouraged to see lives that have changed through the years and to see them serving and coming to the knowledge of Christ has been a great joy. You guys were my heartbeat for ministry and I thank you all for being a part of my life. I hope one day we'll be able to partner in ministry in some way. I will take a lot of what I learned from Antioch and everyone there. Being at Hanmee I see the challenges and hardship this youth ministry, even the church as a whole, is going through but knowing the ministry of Antioch and the lives that changed there, I can't be help know that God will work as He worked in the hardest and driest of lives at Antioch and what a joy that is. Thanks for the encouragement and memories, but i know this won't be good bye, hopefully just a see you later. So finish strong brothers and sisters and remember God is working and has His perfect will and plan and make sure you guys jump on His bandwagon because He won't jump on yours. I miss you guys a lot.
Servants- Ah good old servants, God has used this ministry to form my thought life, my character, and built upon the foundations that were set in youth group. I really love this ministry, and being a place where it taught me about biblical community and what it looked like in this deprived generation. I was so individualistic, still struggling with it but I've learn that I cannot be alone, that I was not meant to be alone or to love God and finish on my own. The calling to be a part of the body and not the whole. I learned it the hard way but God is faithful! I'm not suppose to be some Christian Rambo but an instrument within an orchestra. I appreciated the older brothers and sisters teaching me what it means to serve and even rebuke in love, it really challenged me and changed my life. The small groups were amazing, I never thought I'd have so much fun and find so much encouragement and strength in the bible students as we met every week. It really made me realize how great community is and gave me a small glimpse of what Acts 2:42-47 was giving us a picture of. I know this ministry will continue to be faith to God because God has been faithful and is faithful. I loved the leadership meetings where pastor Reggie or aurum would challenge us and continue to build our Gospel-Centered worldview. It has transformed my life. I thank you for the memories especially with SCRUBS and WIP, the leaders and the pastors. Thank you for shaping me and forming me. I am glad this will be a church one day for I remember numerous times where I told myself with confidence that "if only this were a church... how amazing it would be." Thank you again for showing me what it means to be the church.
Post College -As much as I wish today (June 4, 2008) was a continuation of the blessings but the blessings were giving and the lessons were learned but the challenge is what am I going to do now. Being at Moody was bittersweet, I was learning a lot about God and was corrected in a lot of ways but the busyness and the dryness of my heart really gave Satan a foothold. The struggles of my heart and rarely wrestling with it made this year difficult. I've struggled with failure and wanting to quit but more and more I am realizing my depravity and how much God loves me unconditionally even knowing the depth of my depravity. But the natural reaction to this love is sanctification, that God is desiring to form me to be more like Christ. This is the battle that I must face, to want to be refined or not, and I want to be but in a lot of ways don't. I don't know what happened along the way but I know the stubbornness of my heart needs to be penetrated with the love of God. I know this God is faithful when I am not and for Him to reveal this, I know comes from God. If anyone is reading this, I would ask if you remember, pray for me. Stepping into Hanmee has been a rough transition and continues to be but I really love the ministry, the partners in the Gospel and the students there. I want to be faithful and die to myself for this ministry. I know this is a season God has placed me but I know this much, it has humbled me, knowing I cannot do anything apart from Him.
So with the blessings of old, I know God had placed me where I was, at Antioch and Servants to build me up for the calling God has given me but now is the real test but knowing full well that God has even more blessings for me to claim. I am very excited to see what God will do. 
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